Pregnancy and Infant Loss Remembrance Day

October 15th, tomorrow, is National "Pregnancy and Infant Loss Remembrance" Day.

I have a wonderful daughter who is the light of my life, but I still occasionally think back at what we went through before her. The two miscarriages.........

I feel strongly that everything happens for a reason, even if you don't understand what that reason is for a long time, if ever. I appreciate Julia SO much more because of my miscarriages. My miscarriages are the reason I did not go insane during the 10 months of colic (well at least not completely insane), I was just so happy to have a baby and be a mom. If I would not have had the miscarriages, Julia would not be here.

Sure, I still get sad and frustrated. I hate the fact that I had to take FIVE pills a DAY in order to prevent another miscarriage and that I need to be on these meds months BEFORE thinking of getting pregnant again. Any pregnancy while not on the meds would probably result in miscarriage. So everything has to be planned in advance; no rash decisions, no "oops" pregnancies, it kind of takes all the romance out of it!:P But I gladly did it for the chance to be a mother and I would do it all again in a heartbeat.

So tomorrow I will allow myself to take a moment to think about the "what would have been's" and mourn my two lost babies. Then I will go back to living in the "now" and loving my daughter.